- October 22nd, 2006
Friday night was too happy. Happy is not the word. I don't know what the word is.
At first it was a bit funny being at the concert on my own, but once the Dresden Dolls hit stage, the world went ::poof::. It was just Amanda, Brian, and Veta. And it was lovely. I must say that although I wasn't really paying attention to the others in the theatre, I noticed how most people around me were kinda... umm... not as moved? I don't know. I couldn't really tell about the people on the ground floor because I wasn't down threre with them; but the balcony people were, at best, bobbing their heads to the beat. It was strange. I'm not one to move much to music (sometimes known as dancing), but once Amanda and Brian were in front of me and their voices/instruments/energy were roaring through the air, I couldn't sit still. My right fist is slightly bruised-I didn't have Brian's drumsticks and at times I simply had to hit something, the music demanded it. It was so fucking lovely, one of the best times of my life to date. Yay, my concert cherry's popped well. :D Love.
Look through the photo album I put together. In case you didn't know, this is one of the very few times I'm actually saying that you should look at my profile stuff, whoever you are.
I don't want to talk about meeting Amanda. I know I can't do it justice. But, like I said, I can't shut up.
After the Dolls left stage, I was trying to buy a Red Paintings cd (an Australian band touring with them), but I had to step out and then the security started locking up, etc. That's not important. What's important is that on my way to the L I passed by a group of people. One of the girls in the group said "Can you sign my tights?". I turned around, the skies parted, a glorious light appeared, and there was Amanda Palmer in front of me. !!! I remember asking out loud "is that Amanda Palmer". :O I also remember people looking at me like I was kinda sorta maybe crazy because I started squeeling, then laughing, then standing, then staring, then jumping, then hugging, then speaking gibberish... not in that order. Every last drop of my blood was boiling from a mixture of love/disbelief/surprise/joy/emotion of every stripe and variety... I don't know how my heart didn't explode. I almost feel bad because I truly cannot remember the last time seeing someone made me that happy. She laughed at my ridiculous excitement. Whatever. All I know is that when I hugged her she hugged back and it wasn't one of those 2-second 'pat on the back' piece-of-shit hugs. At that point I was telling myself to walk away because I didn't want to hog her and deprive someone of the experience of having Amanda Palmer seeing them. But then she leaned in and touched my face and told me that I had a black smudge on my cheek. I lost any and all verbal skills. I couldn't do anything. I just stood there and freaked. And while I was telling her how I was trying to cover up a "skin imperfection" with eyeliner, I got an urge to kiss her, which I could not do. Oh no, that might've been disastrous. So I kissed my fingers instead and held her face for a second. She laughed again, thank the universe, and put her hand on/patted my head. That's such a silly description of the whole thing; I can't describe well. But it didn't feel silly. I was getting moisty eyed in the end. Ridiculous. And it became too much knowing that she'd be leaving. So I left instead. And I wish I screamed "I love you" as I walked away; I kinda think she knew (the only exception in all my gibberish was the "i love you" phrase).
I had a rather large scream stuck in my throat. But I didn't let it out-partially because a man standing 3 feet away from the Amanda group, who introduced himself as her old friend, stopped me to talk about how he was writing a book about The Dresden Dolls and how he wanted to talk to their fans. I don't know if he's really her friend or some random guy. At that moment, I was just happy to talk about them. And I did. And after laughing at more of my gibberish, he told me he thought I was "terrifyingly beautiful" and warned me to be careful of boys/girls/whoever trying to take advantage of me. I hope I don't sound stuck-up mentioning that. But it was a punch-in-the-face moment of the evening, and I didn't want to omit it. He might've been referring to himself for all I know, but the thought that I was talking to Amanda's old friend made me stupid-happy because that meant that I was indirectly reconnected with her. !!! My oh my, was I screwed up from happiness that night. Be careful of extreme emotions, kids. x.x
I think this "note" will not be without end.
Once home, I laughed like a psycho/screamed/jumped/sang/half-cried/took photos/screamed some more.
I also feIt, and still feel, a bit empty. Like the feeling you get once you wake up from a dream that's better than reality and you can't return to it even though you try.
But I guess for now I can fantasize about next time, when I will be in the front row screaming my lungs out. And about other unmentionable things to do with Amanda and Brian. Haha, joke joke, laugh laugh. I do miss them though, and I will be waiting for the night we meet again<3